That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
