So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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