New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
