WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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