I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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