I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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