One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Houston, we have a blender
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
