apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
