I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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