Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
