there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
