call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize