a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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