3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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