question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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