I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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