If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
