She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
