if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
