I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
