Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
try to milk me bitch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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