Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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