Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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