where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
