Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
