Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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