i barfeds in our rink
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
