Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize