and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
