i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
