i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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