I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
