well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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