Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
