You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
