Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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