The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
