life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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