tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
