Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
