dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
