he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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