You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
