I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize