so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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