dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
