what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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