just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize