OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
