She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
