Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize