Its about making memories worth repressing
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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