the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
