My underwear smells like fireworks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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