ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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