We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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