You smell like stripper and shame
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
