end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Porn is love you can see.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
