I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
