This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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