so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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