If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wear drunk well.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
