Don't make out with my wife yet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
